Hate Your Neighbor

Reaching out to a neighbor

Sometimes the best of intentions can back fire. We intend to make a friend and we make a new enemy. Why is this? What happens that changes things so quickly?
There is a story in 2 Samuel 10 where King David desires to befriend a neighboring king.
"10 After this the king of the Ammonites died, and Hanun his son reigned in his place. 2 And David said, 'I will deal loyally with Hanun the son of Nahash, as his father dealt loyally with me.' So David sent by his servants to console him concerning his father". 
What a good thing David intends to do. How could this possibly go wrong?

Self-fulfilling prophecies

When David's men get to the Ammonites, do they get a warm greeting? No. They get humiliated! Why?
“Do you think, because David has sent comforters to you, that he is honoring your father? Has not David sent his servants to you to search the city and to spy it out and to overthrow it”?

Distrust

Have you ever assumed the worst of someone, not trusted their motives, only to created the exact thing you feared--because of your fears!
Have you ever tried to befriend someone who didn't trust you?
I think many fights and wars in the history of the world have been fought for this very reason. When trust is absent, no good thing comes about. Too often our fears create our reality.

The war

6 "When the Ammonites saw that they had become a stench to David, the Ammonites sent and hired the Syrians of Beth-rehob, and the Syrians of Zobah, 20,000 foot soldiers, and the king of Maacah with 1,000 men, and the men of Tob, 12,000 men. 7 And when David heard of it, he sent Joab and all the host of the mighty men. 8 And the Ammonites came out and drew up in battle array at the entrance of the gate, and the Syrians of Zobah and of Rehob and the men of Tob and Maacah were by themselves in the open country".
The Ammonites took up arms against David because they thought he wanted to hurt them.
Let that sink in.
How many times have you hurt someone, because you were afraid they would hurt you first? Someone comes to innocently make a friendship or restore a friendship, but because of your distrust, you make war. Then, when they attack you back, you blame them to justify your fears. You think their retaliation proves what you feared, but really, you caused the fight because of your fears.  You think that your fear was justified when they defended themselves.
James 4:1 "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel".

Cat fight

Mary thinks that Susan has been judging her and talking behind her back. Susan has not been doing this and sincerely desires a relationship with Mary. One day Susan invites Mary to come over for coffee. Mary is convinced that Susan only wants to show her how nice she keeps home, and judge her for her lack of home management skills.
Once Mary arrives at Susan's home she begins by making excuses that she can't keep a home as nice as Susan. Susan, had not even mentioned it, but begins to console her by showing ways she can do better. Mary perceives this as judgement and confirmation of her fears and begins to get defensive. Susan tries to soften the advice to make things better, but Mary just explodes and tells her to back off and stop judging her. Susan then barks back that she is not judging her, but she should try to not be so sensitive. Then... well, you know the rest.
Poor Susan, with the best of intentions, never knew what hit her.

There is a better way. 

Galatians 5:13 "For you were called to freedom, brothers(and Mary and Susan). Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' 15 But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. 16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21 envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another".

Simple, right? Well, sometimes! You must be vulnerable. You might try to do the right thing and STILL get hurt. Don't let that harden you up to the work the Spirit is doing in you. God is the judge--trust Him. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but God has promised to empower us to "walk in the Spirit".
So, put up your defenses against the devil and his minions and NOT against your brothers and sisters. Fight the good fight of faith.