Bum dads
One of the most natural instincts of a father is to protect and train his children. Would any of us deny this? Yet we find ourselves in a situation in our country where there is an overwhelming abundance of bum dads and inadequate dads. What has happened? How did we get here?
Am I a bum dad?
Even for us who try to do right, we know we are so ill-trained and inadequate. Is there hope?
Yes!
We can turn this trend around one family at a time--beginning with you. Will it be easy?
No.
Will it be worth it?
Absolutely!
Destined for destruction
You probably could not find someone who, at twenty years old, would be more likely to be voted as "future bum dad" than me. I'm not afraid to say it. Divorce sucks--and its consequences are even worse. Divorce happens, but we take the cards we are dealt and move forward.
But how?
How does a young man find the ability, wisdom and knowledge how to be a good dad?
It starts with our Father in heaven who created us.
Sin has marred this creation, but His ways will guide us. Sin is the reason for our screwed up families.
We lie, we hate, we get selfish, we lust, etc, etc, etc. Sin destroys all of our relationships, but repentance brings renewal. When we confess to God our complete lack of obedience to Him, and our utter failure, the doors will open to us.
The freedom of a restored relationship with our Father in heaven will free us to fight against sinful desires and make change. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
A father
When I first believed God and turned from my failures--sin, I saw God for who He was--a Father who was willing to sacrifice his Son to free us.
Even though I saw God's great love for us, I still struggled to relate to Him as a father. Growing up without a father, I had no reference for this kind of relationship.
It actually took me about three years before I could relate to Him as a father. I knew Him as Lord--I prayed to Jesus--but an intimate loving father took a while. I takes time to gain trust.
As a relationship develops, trust develops.
In the letter to the Hebrews it says: "In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
'My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.'
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons."
When I began to see Him as the example of a loving father, I began to grow in that relationship. I had to learn to trust, love, receive discipline, communicate, etc. These things take time, unless you had them modeled for you. We live in a culture that has been growing in its hatred for the family and we are reaping the consequences.
Fathers, don't be afraid to admit your failures and inadequacies. Don't try and find where to lay the blame--the buck stops with you.
Set your heart on your home and begin making changes today. It won't be easy, but what in life worth having ever comes easily?
Find other fathers who have succeeded and get their counsel. You'd be hard pressed to find a successful godly father who doesn't want to tell you all about it. Find them.
Successful dads
Successful dads--where are you? Who are you discipling? Don't hoard your knowledge and wisdom--we need it shared with the next generation.
Don't assume, "they'll just figure it out on their own." Go get them! Train them.
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