You're a Failure

"You'll never change. You're just like your parents and they are just like their parents. You are all total failures".

"Why can't you be like your sister? She's doing something with her life. You're just a failure".

"Why do you even bother to try? You'll just fail. You're a failure".

We live in a culture of self-esteem building. Kids are inundated with praise and pump ups so they won't have low self esteem.
Does it work?
Is everyone glad they got a trophy just for showing up--late?

Is it possible that when you fail to tell people they have failed that they risk growing up without the ability to know what real failure is? Do you actually destroy their self esteem?
I think so.

What is failure?

Failure has two facets.
One has instant results and is the lack of achieving a desired outcome. You take a test and don't achieve the score--you fail. You try to be nice to someone and instead you are a jerk--you fail.
Everybody is very familiar with this facet of failure. This is usually what we think of when hear the word 'fail'.
But there is a second and much more important facet of failure. This is the internal, attitude based failure. This failure is characterized by giving up.
You take a test and don't achieve the score--you fail. Then your internal attitude says, "Screw it, I'm just not smart. I can't remember this stuff". That's failure.
You try to be nice to someone and instead you are a jerk--you fail. Then your internal attitude says, "Screw it, I'm just going to be a jerk. It's just who I am; I'm a failure".

Is it possible that the way you tell people they have failed will contribute to their failure?
I think so.
Look back at my first three statements about failure. The way this person is telling someone they are a failure is in the second facet of failure. They are telling them to give up because they are failures.

Get your butt out there and mow the grass!

My son and I have an arrangement. I bought him a push mower and have offered to pay him to mow the grass. My hope is to have him develop skills and learn self-discipline. In time I envision him getting a riding mower and earning money mowing for others. We are in our second year and it has not gone as well as I had anticipated.
I have learned that money is not an end-all motivator.
His laziness will often override his desire for more money. When we began this project I seriously thought he'd be mowing every time the grass grew an inch and I might go broke! But instead I find myself spending much time helping him with his self-discipline.
When I see the grass getting too long, I remind him of his opportunity. When he continues to be lazy, I set a date by which he must accomplish it. If he doesn't get it done, I let him know that he won't get paid and he will do it anyway.
Most importantly, when he doesn't get it done and loses some or all of the money, I let him know that he failed--facet one. Facet two, he has not failed. He has learned a valuable lesson and he has not given up.
I watch his attitude very carefully. I apply a strong, "You failed" approach when it is needed and a gentle, "You failed, but you can still succeed the next time. You're not a failure if you keep at it". 
Initially I give him advice to help him succeed, but I don't force him or choose for him. When he fails to accomplish the task, facet one, I then force him. This is externally applied discipline. I am acting as his employer or customer in this instance. No mercy.

It is very joyful and very painful to go through this with him. There is no trophy given for failures and no trophy given for success. He gets paid the agreed upon price. That's not a trophy--that is a wage.

Our Father in heaven

God, our Father in heaven, has left us with this, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". 
Let me translate for you. You are ALL failures!
But?
"Failures"!
Come on! Most people are pretty good.
"Failures"!

As far as the first facet of failure is concerned, God says we are failures. We failed the test. But as far as facet two, God says he will change us and help us to have the correct internal attitude. For more on this see my previous post My Broken Heart

As His children God promises to train us and guide us into success. He guides us and enables us with the Holy Spirit who dwells within us.
"if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God."
God, in a similar way to how we train our children, is training us toward success. He is there moment by moment, but His levels of intervention change as the needs change. Obviously His ways are somewhat different than how I train my son, but the illustration is powerful and important.

We must remember that we are the child being trained!

We don't like that.
Just like the child who says, "I got it" and then proceeds to drop the glass of milk on the floor, we don't like when God treats us like a child.

Here's a big news flash for you--You don't "got it"!

We like to think we have moved beyond childhood, but in a certain aspect, our Father always sees us as His children. Particularly when it comes to training.

"Know then in your heart that, as a man disciplines his son, the Lord your God disciplines you".

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

God is for you

 Right after telling us that we don't even know how to pray--Paul tells us:

"If God is for us, who can be against us"?

You can take that to the bank! And you should.

When the devil says you are a failure--tell him you are not. You belong to God Almighty.
When people tell you you are a failure--tell them you are not. You belong to God Almighty.
When you tell yourself you are a failure--tell yourself you are not. You belong to God Almighty.

Failure is not a one time act. Failure is a commitment to give up trying.

"If God is for us, who can be against us"?

Who is your God anyway?

Do you think you are too old to fall for this failure bit? Don't be fooled.
I'm 46 years old and have been walking with my Father for 18 years, but it wasn't until this year that I have been released from some serious bondage to fear of failure. I realized that failures as a child still gripped me with fear.
I've "always been a quitter" is the lie I listen to. God doesn't tell us that crap--the devil does.
Even this blog is a result of following God and the desires He has put on my heart.

I can't fail, because:

"If God is for us, who can be against us"?

And for all you arrogant punks out there--you just need to take a bite of humble pie. But don't worry, God will serve it up soon enough. He loves you that much.

Song:
Faithful and True


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