Where to begin? That's always the question.
What I'm about to share with you, some of you will not believe. Some will want to believe, but will struggle. Others will rejoice and praise God for His mercy and power.
So here I go...
"You STILL don't believe!"
That is what my wife said to me after I had just come home from the nursing home after witnessing a miracle.
"It's not that I don't believe, it's just that..."
"NO, God does a miracle right in front of your eyes and you STILL don't believe!"
I dropped my head and walked away bewildered.
"Did my unbelieving mom really just get 'saved' and released from demonic possession?" I thought to myself as I wandered away in unbelief. "I know I witnessed it, but what if I tell people and it doesn't 'stick'? What if it's not real? What if it's actually a trick of the demons?"
As I reflect back upon it, I have to wonder why I was trying so hard NOT to believe rather than believing what actually happened right before my eyes?
2011
In August 2011 we moved my mom(Babci) to Alabama to care for her because she was very sick. She was having hallucinations, delusions and other physical problems.
It turned out that she has Parkinson's disease with dementia.
From 2011 through 2019 we had been to many doctors, prescribed many meds and experienced many painful days.
Over the years she continually rejected Jesus and we had suspected demonic possession, but with the dementia it is very hard to figure out what is what.
One time I remember asking her if God was to heal her right now, would she turn her life over to Him? She said she didn't need to.
One thing that always remained with her was back pain. She had a steady diet of strong pain pills. She used to describe it to me as if there were claws digging into her back. The doctors said there was nothing wrong with her back--I hated unnecessary drugs, but I had to admit that she needed the pain pills.
In the summer of 2019 she got so bad that her neck became perpendicular to her spine. I wish I had a picture because however bad you are imagining it right now--it was worse! You really can't imagine that a neck could be in a position like that.
We admitted her to the hospital, then she went into the nursing home and on hospice care to prepare for her death.
Back to my day of unbelief
October 2019
I went to visit her at the nursing home one day and she was up walking around in her room. I was shocked and asked her what she was doing.
She said she was better and wanted to go home.
I was somewhat dumbfounded and said, "Well you look great, but what the heck happened?"
She said, "I'm better, let's just go home. I want to be with you and your family."(note: she NEVER says she wants to be with me. She loves me as a mom does, but she really doesn't like me. It's complicated)
She was sitting completely straight up in her chair--neck as perfect as can be. I asked her to stand up and prove that she can walk without pain, because even before she was bedridden she always had that constant pain and could barely get up from a sitting position.
She popped up out of the chair--shimmied across the room--and returned to her chair.
She exclaimed, "You see? I'm better, let's go home!"
I was completely speechless.
She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Marc, your mother is back, it's me and I'm better, so let's go home. I want to be with my family".
"Again with the family thing?" I thought to myself.
I said, "Babci, no offense, but you don't like being with us. I mean, I'm glad you want to, but you never did before?"
"I didn't?" she questioned.
"No, you don't really like us." I told her. "But I'm glad you do now."
I asked her exactly happened. She proceeded to tell me that she is back.
"Back from where?" I asked.
"I don't know, but God brought me back." she said.
"God, you don't even believe in God and where did he bring you back from?" I queried.
"I don't know where I've been for a long time." she said, "but I'm back now. Something had been chasing me and I couldn't get away, but God freed me."
"What was chasing you?" I asked.
"I don't know. Something. And I could never get away from them."
"Do you know what I think it was?" I asked her. "I believe it was demons, we have long suspected demons were tormenting you."
"Do you believe in demons?" she asked me.
"Yes." I said. "We have been praying for you for years because we thought demons were tormenting you."
She said, "Well I'm free now, but I don't ever want to go back there." She began to cry. "What do I have to do to keep them from coming back?"
"You have to pray." I said. "God freed you and God will protect you."
She continued crying and said, "I want to pray but I don't know how and I can't get on my knees."
I looked at her, laughed and began to cry. I said, "You're crying and you are making me cry! Let's pray right where you are. I'll pray for you."
I prayed with her and then hugged her.
This was only the second time in my life that I hugged my mom--just so you can put in perspective what had just happened. The first time I hugged her was when I became a follower of Jesus twenty years previously, but it was weird and we never did it again. This time it was weird, but a good weird.
"You STILL don't believe"
It was this evening when I went home and told my wife and she accused me of not believing. It is embarrassing to say that I had trouble believing it. My mom had been so angry with me for such a long time that it was VERY hard to let it be real. It's the same type of shock that the people had when Saul of Tarsus got saved. They couldn't readily accept it.
You need the Holy Spirit
The next day the whole family came with me and we took her out of the nursing home and to the park for a few hours. As we spent time with her my son said, "Daddy, God is with her!"
All the kids were amazed at the difference.
While in the park she expressed her fears about the demons and ask how she knew she was safe. I told her that she needed the Holy Spirit to come inside of her to protect her forever. I told her she just had to ask God.
Right there in front of my eyes as I began to pray, she took over and asked the Holy Spirit to come in her and help her and protect her forever!
We baptized her in her house shortly later. She is living again in her own house.
But what about the dementia?
My faith continues to be challenged. While God freed her soul, removed the demons and healed her back--she still has Parkinson's with dementia. And now she has congestive heart failure.
On her good days, she will praise God, go to church meetings with my sister-in-law and pray-------but on her bad days when the dementia kicks in and she loses her mind-------she hates me and my wife and to date has smashed a window on our house and keyed two of our cars.
I struggle because I want God to completely heal her---but then I also pray that He will just end the torment and take her home.
It's hard--very hard. Very is not nearly a strong enough adjective to describe the difficulty with dementia. It is excruciatingly painful! The highs and lows are so extreme!
Friends--please pray--it's hard.
When Jesus cast out demons it caused many people to be healed, but we don't get their follow up doctor reports.
Lazarus eventually died--but how long after?
What about the others? Did he totally heal them or just partially? How long was it until they eventually got sick again and died?
Did the blind man who was healed have other ailments that weren't healed?
I have a definition of a miracle that helps me best understand God's mysterious works. It goes like this:
Miracle--something God does that is extraordinary and supernatural, but has the sole purpose to Glorify His name.
The devil can do magic tricks too.
In the case of my mom, I believe that it was a bonafide miracle of God, because as incomplete as it may seem, it glorifies His name.
It meets the definition.
Demons have departed and the the back pain and torment they caused is permanently gone.
Repentance toward God happened and the fruit of being born again is demonstrated.
For this I am thankful to God! I believe!
Lord, help my unbelief!
I understand completely. I was tormented. Full of demons. I hurt myself, I hurt others. Literally! I was a cutter, when I read about a man with demons in the bible who cut himself with a rock, it blew my mind! I was homicidal ridiculously. Suicidal, addicted from nicotine to almost every drug you can name. And one day, God took it all away with the snap of his fingers it seems. A friend of mine said I would doubt it, but it couldn't be anything else but God. Even your depression is gone, and you dropped everything cold turkey. And your speaking in other tounges. He says it has to be god.
ReplyDeleteI still have seizures though. So I relate to your story kinda. But my seizures went from 4 to 5 seizures a day to, 1 or 2 every month or so. So i'm blessed by God completely. I got to the point with seizures where I almost couldn't talk anymore. I knew he wanted me to preach. I told him if he just let me speak his word I promise I don't care if I can't do anything else.
So I said all that to say this, BELIEVE! And be happy God gave you a glorious mother that he used for his glory in your life. Oh my, your blessed. God is so good. Go tell it on the mountain. ⛰ And BELIEVE!